wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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