currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
