Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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