I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
