Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
