so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
