hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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