I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
