Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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