Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
