How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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