is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
