If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize