i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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