wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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