Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
