Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
