it wasn't lemon gatorade
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
