my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
