I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
