It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
