Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
