Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
