Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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