Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
