Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
