please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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