I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
