Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
