Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hippo gnu deer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
