thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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