tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
