what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
