How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
being pregnant is like rehab
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The air taste purple.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
