I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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