I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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