his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
