all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
