wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
