Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
