so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
