haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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