Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
