If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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