Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
