guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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