no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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