...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
