He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
