We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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