Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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