Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize