i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
