I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
