You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
