you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
