ugly people sure do ruin things
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize