1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
