I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
