The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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