We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
be right there i have to get my cape
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
