Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
