im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
