I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
