it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
