I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
