Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
