He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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