So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
