On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
