Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
