my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
