So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
