Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
