As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
